I've decided to just go with it. There's a minute sense of hesitation that comes with every opportunity that makes you question whether or not it's right for you. What we seem to forget is that only way to figure out if it's right or not is to try it. If it doesn't work, don't do it again. If it works, congratu-fuckin-lations.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Exactly one year ago I thought....
That's not my man... because he's not. So every time I want to do for him, I have to sit back and ask what she's doing for him. F*cks him? Because she's not helping him out in any other area of his life. I sat back and listened to your man complain about the difficulties of following his dream. Have you listened to him? If so, are you planning on doing anything? Because he's still feeling it enough to speak of it.
& If you haven't handled it... now, do I have to? I'm not here to pick up slack. Where you fail, you'll be seen failing. If you want to be number one, you better play your roll, boo. Cuz I'm not playing #2.
Love is love, though. I wish everybody the best.
Today I think....
I suppose it's no woman's job to take care of a man. Have you ever met one of those guys who gets women to buy him things? I always find it impressive. I'm the type of woman who likes to buy, so it's interesting to see the other side. It's heartbreaking that we can no longer give to people without being abused. I'm good to my friends and my friends happen to be males. But... I've entered this point in my life where I don't like to keep anything to myself. I prefer to share. I don't like the spiritual burden that comes with greed.
Where is the line between a brotha who's trying to make it, and one who wants you to make it for him? Is it right to stop dating a man because he's not financially at the same place you are? I think that would be wrong. I think the better move is to never involve yourself in the first place. Sometimes, I think I'll sit waiting for Mr. Perfect forever, but at least I won't end up with Mr. I Guess He'll Do.
I've been wondering a lot lately why I'm single. Lol. It's not that I'm worried, but I want to know what the exact reason is. I wish I could know what other people think the reason is. My reason (right now) is that men become burdensome, they turn into children. If you form a true relationship with a man, you cook, clean and do all that stuff for him. Frankly, I don't have the time to cook and clean after myself sometimes. Sometimes, I go in for a $1 slice or a hotdog because I'm just that tired or my pockets are that tight. Not only do I not have the time for a man, but I can't afford him either --if he's not kicking in.
Men think women are the only ones who need money spent on them. Men like gifts, too. Unfortunately, I'm the type to play wife immediately. I believe that if you are who you are, you need to be who you will be. So if you plan on marrying a man, be his wife, ring or not. Catering to a man will still cost you a dollar, but it'll go to a different place. The other issue with men is that you can never cater to just your man. You have to cater to his entire family and his whole crew. When a man dates a woman, he takes her on a date. When a woman dates a man, she's making dinner for everyone.
I'm actually glad I don't have a man. I haven't been stressed in over a year. I haven't been questioned. I haven't had to do anything. I don't worry about where anyone is or who I'm with and how they'll feel. Of course, I consider my surroundings and the company I keep and how that affects how I'm perceived, but I don't worry about anyone's emotions. I also don't have to worry about anyone's finances. I care for my friends and where they're going in life, but when you're in a relationship, that is one life --at least is should be. That said, that person's problems become your problems. Their concerns become your concerns. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend (as much as I despise those titles) you can't sit back and say, "he/she can deal with that." If you can provide a solution, you provide it. If you can't, you help brainstorm. You do whatever you have to to get the job done and get the issues resolved. I feel you should be 1000% invested in each others' futures, goal, dreams, aspirations, etc. Or maybe I expect too much in relationships. I've been told that before. Maybe that's why I'm single.
Monday, April 22, 2013
We rush into things when they're perfect, and that's what ruins everything. I've realized that I actually don't know anything and neither does anyone else. We barely know ourselves, how can we trust anything outside of that? Everything always changes, the best thing we can do is sit back and watch it become what it's meant to be. Worry will kill you while you're still alive. The secret to a long life is patience.
Love and life are the same exact thing. I consciously measure the pros and cons of each opportunity that lays on my place and every man all up in my face. I can't count how many pieces I've written trying to claw my way to love but that, in itself, should tell you that I don't have all of the answers. All I have is one question:
Would you rather spend the rest of your life alone, doing what ever it is that you do, or crying in an endless battle for happiness?
You'll never catch me stressed out. I called my mom this morning, and she told me Salle Mae's been calling. Truth is, Sallie Mae aint getting a penny until the rest of my life is paid off. Perhaps this isn't the most financially savvy move, but what I need is a raise. Meanwhile, I cut my phone off and am saving and extra $120 a month --with which I bought a bistro set and am working on my garden. I cry because I'm human and feel emotion, but crying or yelling about dealings with a man? You won't catch me. Worried about where some man is? You won't catch me. Wasting my time calling up some man's phone? You won't catch me. The real issue most women can't find the "right" guy is because you continue to make exceptions, allowing undeserving men into your life just so that you won't be lonely. The same way men choose the pretty girl to date, just to have her, women date random men, simply for company. They say that when you know, you know. If you don't know, why would you involve yourself?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
It's tough to say no. Makes you the one to spoil the fun. You're called "uptight" and "reserved" every time a man asks you to "stand up, lemme see what you got," and you politely say you'd rather not instead of spitting in his face. But when I meet people who question me, I wonder: What kind of women will you marry? Or, what kind of woman are you? Not that I'm perfect, but fuck, can't I try? That's not allowed? If it's perfect for me, isn't that enough? Isn't that what it's supposed to be? What some people don't like about me, others love. What some people don't like about me is that I make them question themselves. I say no to a lot of the things most people say yes to. But I'm also willing to make a lot of moves most people haven't even thought of. I guess the secret is to try to.
For most of my existence, I was just living. When I was 6, I wanted to be a veterinarian and a singer. At 15, I wanted to be a poet. My first year of undergrad claimed I wanted to be a psychiatrist, but my degree claims I'm a Advertising professional. My gift with words garners me the title of "writer" but I'm in desperate need of a copy editor. When I put my scripture to music, people are startled and it trips me up. Not until I've gotten really involved with this JWWWD Magazine thing did I realize that all I wanted to be was happy with myself. For the most part, you do what you're supposed to do until you start to reconsider exactly what it is you're supposed to do. Everything changes with every single step on the path of life except yourself --especially if you want it to. The only thing you know is yourself. For this reason, I've decided to write an open letter to me. I'm the only one I can truly trust to betray me. I feel so alone that I'm incapable of depending on anyone. The strength people see in me someone hinders their conversations with me, they're afraid to offend me or lie to me, so most times, people say nothing at all. I understand. Frankly, I fear me, too & am trying to cope with it, myself.